Ask Siri: Darkness

Me: Hey Siri. What do you do when you want to spend the next few hours sitting in your zero gravity lawn chair in your backyard with the sun at your back while simultaneously sitting inside on your bolster with a bowl of snacks, slugging a seltzer, and working on your jigsaw puzzle? 

Siri: I am not sure I understand. 

Me: Thanks. That wasn’t very helpful. 

Siri: You’re welcome. 

Me: So, a few conditions have changed and I need to ask my question again. 

Siri: Ask away. I’ll try again. 

Me: What do you do when you want to spend the next few hours sitting in your zero gravity lawn chair in your backyard with the sun at your back while simultaneously be sitting inside on your bolster with a bowl of snacks, slugging a seltzer, and working on your jigsaw puzzle when you’re feeling snacky, you’re starting to have the light tapping of piss approaching, and your seltzer is nearly gone? 

Siri: It depends. 

Me: It depends on what? 

Siri: The position of the sun. 

Me: Well, that’s a question I’d probably ask you. 

Siri: I cannot see if it’s shining or set, so I couldn’t tell you. 

Me: Doesn’t a weather app tell you the time of the sunsets? 

Siri: Yes, but it doesn’t tell me when it’s that feeling that as the sunsets, it exudes this sense of being on the brink of something fucking huge and this passionate tension fills the air where all the colors go towards it until that moment where the very next blink of your eye, they’ve become one beautiful color:

Darkness. 

Siri: It doesn’t tell you that. You say that when I’m “not listening”.